Swedish television sucks

Swedish television is terrible, just terrible.

Granted, we only have 15 channels, only a handful of which have english programming, but what those few channels have disgusts me. If you live in the States you know you can turn on the TV at any time of the day and find Law and Order on some channel. Well in Sweden I turn on the TV and find a modeling, design, singing, or dancing show. There is this cultural obsession with these types of programs and it kills me inside. It doesnt help that Elisabet just eats this shit up, but I have found the answer.

I have begun....aquiring....all of the tv shows I have always wanted to see, but either havent had time or the channels to do so.

Oz- The entire show takes place in prison and is fucking brutal in its portrayal of what prison is like. I just finished the show today and it lived up to all the hype. I highly recommend this show, though the ending left me wanting. It seems as though JJ Abrams chose the cast of all of his shows from the cast of this show. Good choice Mr. Abrams.

Burn Notice- Bruce Campbell is in it, why more do you need to know? Its about a spy who gets fired and tries to figure out why, while helping people along the way. The show can be a little too episodic at times and neglectful of the overarcing story line, but the main character just carries the show. Oh and Bruce Campbell is in it.

Fringe- It is a new show, but it has piqued my interest. It is somewhat like the x-files but dealing with science instead of aliens. Time will tell if the show stays the course and if Joshua Jackson con avoid being a tool.

Always Sunny in Philidelphia- Funniest show on television, hands down. If you havent seen it watch "Sweet D dates a retarded guy." You'll thank me.

Oh, and I also have Weeds and The Wire to watch, but havent had the time yet.

City Gross is the 7th circle of hell

I typically love to go grocery shopping, especially in foreign countries. I love trying to find replacements for food you want but cannot find and I love trying new things whose labels I cannot read, but whose images look tantalizingly tasty. Well it started out this way here, but has quickly changed from a "fun" time to "stab myself in the face with a frozen sausage" time. Allow me to explain....

I came to sweden under the auspices that Swedes, while reserved, were a generally kind and generous people (free healthcare? year of maternity leave?) who would bend over backwards to be sure they didnt offend or trouble you in any way. Obviously this is a slightly exaggerated generalization, but you get the idea. I was wrong.

I have met many swedes who are kind and generous, yes, but I assume that just like every other swede, the second they grab their cart and pass through the little gates into the bowels of the grocery edifice they...change. They become the meanest, most self centered and single minded creatures this world has ever known. Example...

I was browsing through the meat section, looking at, but not really SEEING the meat for sale. Really I was just perusing until I came to the one and only meat I could identify in any language, ground beef. I finally reach the ground beef, but as I do I sense a disturbance. I look to my right and out from this little door comes a woman dragging a large speedrack filled with meat to stock. Instantly she is SURROUNDED by every swede in a 10 meter radius. Seconds before there had been noone in the meat area and now I had to struggle to free myself from their meat-groping arms. I finally got out of the melee, stood back and watched the chaos. As soon as they swooped in they all flew away and left the meat cart in shambled. The silence was broken by the sound of one package of ground beef falling from the cart onto the floor with a satisfying splat. I bent to pick it up for the meat-lady who had stood back just like me to watch the chaos. As I placed the meat back on the cart she began explaining to me how to pick the best ground beef in English.

I hadnt said a word so I am led to believe that my non-participation in the meat brawl was a sound indication of my lack of Swedish blood.

They only other thing that brings this part of the Swedish subconscious to life is driving. Swedes drive cars like they drive their grocery carts. They pause for nothing and will NEVER let you cross their path. They would sooner tag you with their cart then run the risk of letting you get to that freshly packaged ground beef first....

Oh, and City Gross is the name of one of the MANY Swedish supermarkets. There is also ICA, Netto, Lidl, and many others. I find that City Gross' prices represent the median in groceries. If you pay more you are shopping at Kvantum and are a fool. If you pay less you are shopping at Lidl and buying the products noone else could sell.

Living with Her

Any misgivings I may have felt in regards to moving to Sweden and living with Elisabet have gone the way of the dodo. The only thing I dont like is the lack of meat I have been consuming, but that is a small price to pay I think. Anyways, going through the meat area at the grocery store is an exercise in futility. The problem arises in that they have names for their meat that dont exactly translate into English. Add to that the fact that ALL OF THE MEAT LOOKS THE SAME, and you might begin to understand my confusion.

I typically just stick with meatballs when I need my fix.

Thankfully me and she have the same general taste in decorating the apartment so there havent been any major bumps there. I can see where this could have caused some serious turmoil so I am quite glad for it.

Its been a long time since I rock and rolled...

I know I know, its been a long time. A very long time since I last updated. Well as the saying goes, better late then never right?

To say a lot has happened since my last post would be a SEVERE understatement so instead of going back and trying to remember every little detail I am going to skip ahead to the present, but there will be flashbacks....oh yes, FLASHBACKS GALORE.

Lets start with the basics.
-I have been here since August 4th. Since then we have moved into our apartment in Landskrona, Elisabet has started school, and I have learned how to say "damn" in swedish.
-I am currently looking for work as either a chef or english teaching aid until I start school next year.
-I have gotten a 450 kr parking ticket for no reason at all
-I have gone from loving Ikea to hating Ikea to loathing Ikea to liking Ikea
-I have found that if a Swedish food item says it is "American" or "Mexican" it is most likely not
-"All" swedes speak amazing English, but they "all" think they are terrible.

I could go on and on but I am attempting to keep my ruminations on Sweden to a minimum.