Swedish Dance Lessons

watch this and learn for the swedes can teach the world a thing or two about dancing.

if that isnt enough dance lessons for you check this oldie out. if i found a magic lamp and the genie gave me three wishes, well one of those wishes would be to dance like this.

The Good, the Babylon AD, and the Ugly

Elisabet and I have seen a number of films in the last 2 months, in addition to the movies I watch while she is at school. I thought it might be helpful for me to give a quick review of the films I remember so you know which to watch and which to avoid like the Clap.

Babylon AD- Crap. Disjointed, tedious, haphazard and unentertaining. It felt like there was once a good movie that got destroyed in post-production.

Tropic Thunder- This movie was exactly like I expected. I no longer ride the ben stiller train, and have no plans to reboard anytime soon, but Jack Black and Downey Jr made up for stillers role with gusto. Bonus- Really gory.

Wall-E- Fantastic movie. Added to my list of Pixar greats, right next to the Incredibles. The first Pixar love story and they do so without straying to far into "cheese" territory.

The Signal- If you like "zombie," suspense, and independent films you should check this gem out. 3 parts by 3 directors, one of said parts is from the POV of one of the "infected" and I have never seen anything like it. Kudos for doing something new to the genre.

Incredible Hulk- Crap. I said from the first trailer this movie looked like shit and when I heard from so many people that it rocked I was confused. I love Ed Norton, but after finally watching it I have to say I was right. This movie sucked. Then again, I am one of the 3 or so people on earth who like Ang Lee's version so....

Hancock- Better then I thought. Still wasnt amazing, but worth seeing once I suppose. I called the "twist" in the first 20 minutes, but Mr. Smith shits gold so who am I to miss one of his films, even crappy ones? I am Legend what?

Iron Man- Awesomeness burrito wrapped in a awesome tortilla drenched in awesome sauce.

The Happening- Can I please have the 2 hours of my life back? God what a waste of time. There arent many movie I advise people to avoid, but this is one of them. DO NOT WATCH.

Death Race- Worth a watch. Strictly entertaining, with no real substance to speak of. But definitely entertaining.

Righteous Kill- :( I wanted it to be good, I mean DeNiro + Pacino = Unicorns and Rainbows, but this was...not good. Again, I called the "twist" early on and both of them just seemed on autopilot. Just go watch heat

The Bank Job- Meh, just meh.

Wanted- Entertaining to a T. Worth it just to hear Morgan Freeman curse like a sailor.

X-files-Dear god this movie was terrible. Add to that I paid nearly 20 dollars to see it and you begin to feel the resentment I feel towards this....movie. No climax at all and no real villian to speak of.

So there you have it. A taste of my taste.

Interviews and ID Cards

Last week I sat down and fired off about 15 resumes for chef job openings and on tuesday I heard back from one of them, KultureKrogen in Lund. I talked with the owner who invited me to come by for an interview in the morning on wednesday. Well I got there and after a short interview and coffee with him and the head chef I worked until mid-afternoon just observing the mechanics of a Swedish kitchen. After only 30 minutes the head chef gave me a giant bucket of chickpeas to make any salad of my choosing. I only had a little over an hour so i busted out a ceaser dressing, diced up some red pepper and threw in some fresh arugula. I mixed all of that together with the peas and then threw some baby tomatoes on top. It turned out pretty tasty and got served with the other salads. I was also informed by the other chefs that a "celebrity" would be coming in for lunch. For the life of me I cannot remember her name, but she could be the next prime minister of Sweden.

Anyways, I heard she ate my salad.

Before I left I was asked to make a quick green pepper sauce so I did that quickly then left after talking quickly with the head chef about his duties and responsibilities. I am not holding my breath about getting a head chef position so soon in my chefing career, but given the oppurtunity I think I could do a great job.

On friday I went to Malmo for an interview at La Casita which seemed to go alright. I was told I would get a call this week about coming in to work for a day, so we'll see if that happens.

All in all it was just a huge relief to see that it wasnt quite as impossible as everyone made it out to be to find work. Though if I dont get a job soon I think I am going to have to whore myself out to women in Landskrona and the surrounding municipalities.

After waiting for 4 weeks and after going to EVERY BANK in town I finally got my official Swedish ID Card. Just one step closer to being a real swede. I also like that when people ask for ID from me they do so with a certain amount of disbelief as I am NOT SWEDISH. Then I whip out my ID Card and BLAM they realize that I am not just another tourist or foreigner.

I am an OFFICIAL foreigner.

Swedish television sucks

Swedish television is terrible, just terrible.

Granted, we only have 15 channels, only a handful of which have english programming, but what those few channels have disgusts me. If you live in the States you know you can turn on the TV at any time of the day and find Law and Order on some channel. Well in Sweden I turn on the TV and find a modeling, design, singing, or dancing show. There is this cultural obsession with these types of programs and it kills me inside. It doesnt help that Elisabet just eats this shit up, but I have found the answer.

I have begun....aquiring....all of the tv shows I have always wanted to see, but either havent had time or the channels to do so.

Oz- The entire show takes place in prison and is fucking brutal in its portrayal of what prison is like. I just finished the show today and it lived up to all the hype. I highly recommend this show, though the ending left me wanting. It seems as though JJ Abrams chose the cast of all of his shows from the cast of this show. Good choice Mr. Abrams.

Burn Notice- Bruce Campbell is in it, why more do you need to know? Its about a spy who gets fired and tries to figure out why, while helping people along the way. The show can be a little too episodic at times and neglectful of the overarcing story line, but the main character just carries the show. Oh and Bruce Campbell is in it.

Fringe- It is a new show, but it has piqued my interest. It is somewhat like the x-files but dealing with science instead of aliens. Time will tell if the show stays the course and if Joshua Jackson con avoid being a tool.

Always Sunny in Philidelphia- Funniest show on television, hands down. If you havent seen it watch "Sweet D dates a retarded guy." You'll thank me.

Oh, and I also have Weeds and The Wire to watch, but havent had the time yet.

City Gross is the 7th circle of hell

I typically love to go grocery shopping, especially in foreign countries. I love trying to find replacements for food you want but cannot find and I love trying new things whose labels I cannot read, but whose images look tantalizingly tasty. Well it started out this way here, but has quickly changed from a "fun" time to "stab myself in the face with a frozen sausage" time. Allow me to explain....

I came to sweden under the auspices that Swedes, while reserved, were a generally kind and generous people (free healthcare? year of maternity leave?) who would bend over backwards to be sure they didnt offend or trouble you in any way. Obviously this is a slightly exaggerated generalization, but you get the idea. I was wrong.

I have met many swedes who are kind and generous, yes, but I assume that just like every other swede, the second they grab their cart and pass through the little gates into the bowels of the grocery edifice they...change. They become the meanest, most self centered and single minded creatures this world has ever known. Example...

I was browsing through the meat section, looking at, but not really SEEING the meat for sale. Really I was just perusing until I came to the one and only meat I could identify in any language, ground beef. I finally reach the ground beef, but as I do I sense a disturbance. I look to my right and out from this little door comes a woman dragging a large speedrack filled with meat to stock. Instantly she is SURROUNDED by every swede in a 10 meter radius. Seconds before there had been noone in the meat area and now I had to struggle to free myself from their meat-groping arms. I finally got out of the melee, stood back and watched the chaos. As soon as they swooped in they all flew away and left the meat cart in shambled. The silence was broken by the sound of one package of ground beef falling from the cart onto the floor with a satisfying splat. I bent to pick it up for the meat-lady who had stood back just like me to watch the chaos. As I placed the meat back on the cart she began explaining to me how to pick the best ground beef in English.

I hadnt said a word so I am led to believe that my non-participation in the meat brawl was a sound indication of my lack of Swedish blood.

They only other thing that brings this part of the Swedish subconscious to life is driving. Swedes drive cars like they drive their grocery carts. They pause for nothing and will NEVER let you cross their path. They would sooner tag you with their cart then run the risk of letting you get to that freshly packaged ground beef first....

Oh, and City Gross is the name of one of the MANY Swedish supermarkets. There is also ICA, Netto, Lidl, and many others. I find that City Gross' prices represent the median in groceries. If you pay more you are shopping at Kvantum and are a fool. If you pay less you are shopping at Lidl and buying the products noone else could sell.